Redefining What It Means to Be a “Good Mom”
Sep 29, 2025
When I first became a mom back in 2017, I thought I knew exactly what it meant to be a good mother. To me, that definition looked a lot like self-sacrifice: giving up the gym, shelving my ambitions, and putting every single personal desire on hold in the name of motherhood.
Looking back, that definition wasn’t mine—it was one I inherited. The moms I grew up around were mostly stay-at-home mothers. Ambition and motherhood rarely existed in the same sentence. So when I stepped into this role myself, I assumed good motherhood meant martyrdom.
But the truth? That version of motherhood almost broke me.
The Cost of a Narrow Definition
I tortured myself for years trying to fit into a box that simply didn’t fit. I paid for it with my mental health, with strain on my relationships, and with the loss of parts of myself I had once loved.
It wasn’t until 2020—three years into motherhood—that things shifted for me. Reading Glennon Doyle’s Untamed cracked something open. She spoke about the cage of “good motherhood” that so many of us build around ourselves. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I had been living in that cage, silencing the parts of me that wanted more.
The parts of me that wanted to travel.
The parts of me that wanted to pursue ambition.
The parts of me that weren’t tied to being someone’s mom.
Those parts of me mattered too.
Seasons of Motherhood
Fast forward to now: my kids are eight and five. I’m no longer in the toddler trenches. I’m in a new season, and with it has come a new definition of good motherhood.
My daughter is fiercely independent. She doesn’t need me hovering or orchestrating her every move—she needs me to trust her, support her, and cheer her on from a respectful distance. My son, on the other hand, still needs more of me. He’s almost five, and the snuggles, the constant “mommy” calls, the everyday presence—that’s what matters to him right now.
This season has taught me that good motherhood evolves. What your kids need at three and one is different from what they need at eight and five, and it will be different again when they’re teenagers.
Removing the Pressure
One of the hardest parts of modern motherhood is the constant stream of pressure—often magnified by social media.
I’ve unfollowed accounts that make me feel “less than.” If someone posts about how they’d never let their kids eat cereal (while mine happily eat cereal with their smoothies), that’s not content I need in my life. Motherhood comes with enough guilt without adding unnecessary shame from strangers on the internet.
Good motherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about being omnipresent. It’s about being present when it matters most. It’s about repairing when we inevitably mess up. It’s about modeling a version of motherhood—and womanhood—that we’re proud of.
Defining Motherhood on Your Own Terms
Here’s what I know for sure:
- Good motherhood looks different for everyone.
- It’s fluid, evolving with each season of your children’s lives.
- It’s not about perfection—it’s about presence, authenticity, and trying again when you get it wrong.
Some women want to prioritize their babies above all else for a season. Others want to chase business dreams while building support systems at home. Some find balance in between. There’s no wrong answer.
What matters most is that you define it for yourself.
My Current Definition
Right now, being a good mom for me means:
- Supporting my daughter’s independence without smothering it.
- Being there for my son while he still craves closeness.
- Modeling ambition, joy, and a healthy lifestyle.
- Creating balance in our home while pursuing the business and life I love.
And above all? Giving myself grace. My goal isn’t perfection—it’s to show up as the best version of myself with the tools I have, and to keep expanding that toolkit along the way.
Motherhood is a journey of constant growth—for our kids and for us. As they evolve, so must we. The real freedom comes when we stop measuring ourselves against society’s definition of a “good mom” and start defining it on our own terms.
So, I’ll leave you with this:
What does good motherhood look like for you in this season?
