Redefining Success as a Mom and Entrepreneur: 3 Lessons I'm Learning as I Turn 40

 

As I get closer to turning 40, I've been thinking a lot about success. Not just business success, but what it actually means to build a life that feels successful to me.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that some of the things I used to believe about success aren't things I believe anymore.

When I was younger, I thought success looked like driving an Audi TT and wearing $700 Manolo Blahnik shoes. That was my definition of making it. Having enough money to buy beautiful things, take fancy vacations and live the kind of life that looked impressive from the outside.

And listen, I still want to make a lot of money. I'm not pretending otherwise. But what I want that money for has changed.

I don't particularly care about designer handbags anymore. I don't need everyone on the internet to know who I am, and I'm not interested in chasing visibility or virality just because that's what someone building an online business is supposed to want.

As I prepare to enter this next decade, I've been unpacking a lot of these beliefs through therapy, journaling and some pretty honest conversations with myself. I've landed on three lessons that are changing how I think about success as a mom and entrepreneur.

 

 

For a long time, I thought success was about how much money I made and what that money could buy. Now, I think success is about having the freedom to spend my time doing the things I actually want to do.

I want to ride horses. I want to spend my mornings working out, sitting in the sauna, taking a cold plunge and reading a book. I want to spend time with my kids and the people I love.

I don't want to be chained to my desk, moving from meeting to meeting, working 80-hour weeks and constantly feeling like I need to do more. And yes, I recognize that the life I want requires money. Horses are expensive, friends.

Earlier this year, my horse passed away suddenly, and I've been carrying that grief for months. Recently, I started taking Western riding lessons and learning how to rein, and it's been such a beautiful reminder of how much joy this part of my life brings me.

I want more of that. More joy, more space and more time to actually enjoy the life I'm working so hard to build.

My kids are school-aged now, which means my days look different than they did when they were little. I have space during the day, and I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want to fill every available hour with work. Sometimes I just want to have space.

After nearly 11 years of entrepreneurship, I'm realizing that I don't want to make money simply to have more things. I want to make money so I can have more freedom.

And maybe your version of freedom looks nothing like mine. Maybe you want to travel, pick your kids up from school every day, work three days a week or spend your afternoons in your garden.

Whatever it looks like, I think it's worth asking yourself whether you're building a business that actually supports the life you want to live. Because that's the whole point, isn't it?

 

 

Here's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. How many of the things we're chasing are things we actually want, and how many are things we've been conditioned to believe we should want?

As I approach my 40th birthday, I briefly entertained the idea of buying myself a designer handbag. Maybe something vintage, something special to mark the occasion.

So I started looking, and you know what I realized? I genuinely don't care about owning a designer handbag.

There was a time when I had a YSL bag on my wish list, but that version of success just doesn't excite me anymore. You know what does excite me? Buying another horse.

There's actually a $20,000 horse I have my eye on. I'm not buying it because I can't afford it right now, but the thought of that horse brings me infinitely more joy than anything from Gucci ever could.

And that's the thing. Success only matters if it's meaningful to you.

We spend so much time online watching other people achieve these massive milestones. The quarter-million-dollar launch, the seven-figure business, the millions of followers. It's so easy to start believing that if we're not achieving those things, we're somehow falling behind.

But what if you don't actually want a seven-figure business? What if $100,000 or $200,000 a year would give you everything you need to live the life you want?

What if your dream isn't to be the most recognizable person in your industry? What if you want a profitable business, a healthy net worth, time with your family and the freedom to spend your afternoons doing something you love?

That counts, too.

I'm not suggesting you should think small. Quite the opposite. I want you to play big, but I want you to play big within your own definition of success, not somebody else's.

I've spent enough time chasing things I thought I was supposed to want. I'm learning that the sooner we stop measuring our lives against someone else's goals, the sooner we can start building something that actually feels good to us.

 

 

This might be the least popular lesson, but I think it's an important one. Building a business requires sacrifice, especially when you're building a business while raising children.

I know there's a lot of messaging out there about having it all, doing it all and never having to compromise. But after more than a decade of entrepreneurship and motherhood, I don't think that's realistic.

There will be sacrifices. The important part is recognizing that you get to decide what you're willing to sacrifice, and to what degree.

For me, that looks different depending on the season. Right now, my husband handles school pickup most days. That's something I've chosen to give up because it allows me to focus on my business during those hours.

But next week, I'll be taking time away from work to attend my son's school fun run. I'll spend a good chunk of my day watching a whole lot of little kids run one kilometre, and I wouldn't miss it.

I'm fortunate to be in a season where I have a team, and the work can continue without me being there for every single moment. But it hasn't always looked like this.

When you're in the early stages of building a business, especially with young children, the sacrifices can feel much bigger. Maybe you're giving up some evenings to work. Maybe you're choosing to grow more slowly so you can spend more time at home. Maybe you're outsourcing things you once thought you had to do yourself.

None of those choices automatically makes you a better or worse mother, and none of them makes you a better or worse entrepreneur. There is no single right way to do this.

You might have a season where your business needs more of you and another season where your family does. Some days, you might be all in on business. Other days, you're all in on motherhood. And that's okay.

The part I want you to remember is that nobody else gets to decide what level of sacrifice is appropriate for your life.

Not your spouse, not your friends, not your mother and not the person on Instagram telling you how she built a million-dollar business while never missing a bedtime.

You get to make those decisions, and you get to change them as your life changes.

 

 

As I get ready to turn 40, I feel like I'm entering a new chapter in how I think about my business, my ambition and my life.

I still have big goals. I still want to make a lot of money, and I still want to build something meaningful and successful. But I'm becoming much more intentional about what I'm actually working toward.

I don't want the impressive-looking life if it doesn't feel good to live. I don't want to chase milestones just because someone else has reached them, and I don't want to spend my time building a business that eventually takes me further away from the things that matter most.

So if you're a mom building a business, I want to encourage you to think about what success actually looks like for you.

How much money do you really need to live the life you want? What are you willing to sacrifice to get there, and what aren't you? And perhaps most importantly, are the goals you're chasing truly yours?

You're allowed to change your mind and want different things than you wanted five or ten years ago. You're allowed to build a business that looks completely different from the ones you see online, and you're allowed to be wildly ambitious without wanting somebody else's version of success.

Your version of success is yours to define, and I hope you give yourself permission to build exactly that.