How to Get More of What You Want in Business and Life

What do you want?

Not what would be nice. Not what you’d take if someone happened to offer it to you. Not the thing you might want someday if all the circumstances magically lined up.

What do you actually want in your business, your life and your day-to-day?

For a lot of women, that question is harder to answer than it should be.

The women I work with are brilliant. They’re wildly competent. They’re running very real businesses while also running households, raising children and being the person everyone else leans on. And yet, so many of them aren’t getting what they actually want.

It’s not because they aren’t capable of having it. It’s because almost nobody around them knows what they want in the first place.

I believe you deserve to have what you want in business and in life. I believe you get to have it all — but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all.

And getting more of what you want is often less of a mindset problem than we make it out to be. A lot of the time, it’s a communication problem followed by a logistics problem.

Those are things we can actually fix.

There are four moves I want you to start making: say it, ask for it, show up for it and make room for it.

 

 

This sounds simple, but for a lot of women, it’s the hardest part.

You have to be willing to admit what you want — and then say it out loud to another human being without immediately adding a disclaimer or a 10-minute explanation for why you’re allowed to want it.

Women, and mothers especially, have been trained to soften our ambition.

We practically apologize for wanting something before we’ve even finished saying what it is.

Instead, say the actual thing.

You want more money? How much?

You want Fridays off? Every Friday?

You want to speak on a stage? Which one?

You want to sell your business in five years? Say it.

You want to stop doing client delivery entirely? Say that too.

Attach the number. Attach the name. Be specific.

And please hear this: you do not need a crisis to give yourself permission to want more.

You don't need your business to be failing before you're allowed to want a bigger one. You don't have to be visibly drowning before you're allowed to want help. And you don't have to be desperate before you're allowed to want more money.

You are allowed to want more from a business that is already working. You’re allowed to want help with something you could technically do yourself.

Nobody can advocate for a goal they don't know you have.

People aren't studying you for clues. If you want the introduction, nomination, client, speaking opportunity or invitation, somebody needs to know.

Getting more of what you want requires becoming less apologetic about wanting it.

 

 

Once you've said it, you have to ask for it.

But there’s a big difference between an ask people can actually help you with and one that goes nowhere.

“I need more clients” isn't particularly helpful.

But:

Now I know exactly who I’m looking for.

The same thing applies at home.

“I'm overwhelmed” is a feeling.

“Can you take the kids Saturday morning from 9–12 so I can work on this launch?” is an ask.

Someone can say yes to that.

Part of asking well is making yourself easy to help.

People genuinely want to refer you, recommend you and introduce you. But have you given them the language they need?

Can someone easily answer:

What do you do?

Who do you help?

What are you looking for right now?

What room are you trying to get into?

If it takes seven minutes to explain what you do, you’re making it really difficult for someone to advocate for you. Nobody is going to repeat your seven-minute explanation at a dinner party.

 

 

There’s another piece of asking that nobody really talks about.

You have to be able to tolerate a no.

If you cannot emotionally survive someone saying no to you, you're only going to ask for things when you're almost certain the answer will be yes.

And the asks that could actually change your business? Those are rarely 95% sure things.

In business, you're going to hear no.

No to the introduction.

No to the speaking opportunity.

No to the collaboration.

No on the sales call.

No from the investor.

Most of the time, that no has far more to do with someone else's timing, budget or capacity than it does with you.

One thing I've noticed about women who get a lot of yeses is that they also have a much higher tolerance for hearing no.

They ask more.

So yes, they hear no more.

 

 

This one might land a little hard:

You can't post twice a month, skip every event, never introduce yourself in the room and then wonder why opportunities aren't finding you.

Talk about your work. Share your actual opinions — not just the safe ones. Tell people what you've built and what it did for the people you built it for.

Introduce yourself.

Follow up.

Raise your hand.

Showing up is part of your job. It is not optional, and you cannot outsource it to the algorithm.

You also need to put yourself in proximity to the things you want.

Sometimes getting more of what you want isn't about grinding harder. It's about getting in the right room.

Go to the dinner. Join the mastermind. Buy the ticket. Send the DM to the woman whose business is two steps ahead of yours. Sit beside people doing what you’re trying to do.

I can trace almost every significant leap in my own business back to a room I decided to enter and a relationship that started there.

Not a funnel.

Not a strategy.

 

 

That doesn't mean networking like you're collecting Pokémon cards.

Nobody wants to be collected.

Instead, ask yourself: Who can I help?

Who can you connect this week? Who can you recommend? Who can you invite into a room she wouldn't otherwise be in? Whose work can you amplify? What opportunity isn't right for you but might be perfect for someone you know?

Whatever it says on your website, we are all in the relationship business.

And the women who receive the most yeses are often the women who have been generous for a long time before they ever made the ask.

 

 

This is the one where I'm going to push you a little.

You can say you want more time with your kids while building a business that requires every available hour.

You can say you want bigger opportunities and then fill your week with tasks somebody else could handle.

You can say you want deeper relationships and decline every invitation because you need to work.

At some point, your calendar becomes your truth.

Not your vision board.

Not your goals document.

Your calendar.

If I looked at the last two weeks of your life, would I be able to tell what you say you want?

Making room also means allowing other people to contribute to you.

Some of you are extremely comfortable being useful and deeply uncomfortable being helped.

You'll make the introduction. Share the opportunity. Mentor someone. Send the referral. Host the thing.

But the moment it's your turn to receive something? Suddenly you're uncomfortable.

Relationships are reciprocal.

If you pride yourself on doing everything independently and then resent everyone for not supporting you, something has to change.

At some point, the next level of your business and your life will require you to stop proving that you can carry everything yourself.

 

 

Let's bring this back to the four moves:

Say it. Say what you want out loud, with the number and the name.

Ask for it. Make the specific ask and give people the language they need to help you.

Show up for it. Be visible. Get in the room. Build relationships and contribute before you need something.

Make room for it. Make sure your calendar agrees with what you say you want, and allow other people to help you get there.

This week, I want you to do something small from each one.

Write down what you really want. Tell one person who doesn't already know. Make one specific ask — at home or in your business. And do something generous for someone else with absolutely no expectation attached.

Because most of the women I know who aren't getting what they want aren't lacking talent, work ethic or a good enough offer.

You don't have to carry it alone and call it independence.

Say the thing.

Ask for the thing.

Get in the room.

Make space for it to actually arrive.

And stop apologizing for wanting more.